Lifetime lessons validated by science
It was late February 2016 in Boston. Snow lingered on the ground as I walked through MIT’s campus toward the Sloan School of Management. Most people are familiar with MIT for its renowned engineering and science programs. Fewer know it houses one of the world’s most influential business schools.
I had arrived for a long-anticipated two-day intensive executive workshop on negotiation, led by Jared Curhan, the Gordon Kaufman Professor and one of the leading figures in contemporary negotiation theory. His research extended the field beyond Fisher and Ury’s Getting to Yes, the Harvard framework that had shaped negotiation theory since 1981.
I had heard of Curhan’s work and sensed it would be familiar territory. By forty-nine, I had conducted hundreds of negotiations—first myself, later training others. Over the years, I have found that the transactions that felt right were also the ones that built our practice: deals brokered with dignity for both parties, a transparent approach that attended to more than just price and terms. This was how my father worked, and how he taught me to work.
Fisher and Ury taught a generation to focus on interests rather than positions, to separate people from problems, and to generate options for mutual gain. Their framework remains foundational. Curhan’s contribution was to ask a different question: beyond the terms of the deal itself, what do people actually value when they negotiate?
The four dimensions
The workshop brought together over sixty participants, primarily CEOs and senior executives from around the world. We engaged in simulation negotiations—some in groups, some one-to-one—that revealed patterns invisible in ordinary practice. Between exercises, Curhan introduced the research that explained what we were experiencing.
His work, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, identifies four dimensions of subjective value. The first concerns the outcome itself: did I secure the right price, and can I live with these terms? This is what conventional theory emphasises almost exclusively.
The second addresses feelings about the self: did negotiators behave honourably, and do they feel competent in how they conducted themselves? The third examines feelings about the process—was it fair, professional, respectful? The fourth considers feelings about the relationship: was trust established, and is there a foundation for future interaction?
“Subjective value predicts future behaviour more reliably than economic terms achieved” according to Curhan
His central finding changes how we think about success: subjective value predicts future behaviour more reliably than economic terms achieved. Negotiators who feel good about themselves, the process, and the relationship are more likely to return, refer, and engage again. Those who feel exploited do not, regardless of the price they secured.
Reputation as capital
This matters everywhere. People want to be treated with dignity and fairness. A dissatisfied counterparty does not return and speaks of the experience—a pattern of fair dealing compounds into a practice that sustains itself through referrals and trust.
Consider a property sale. The instrumental negotiation concerns price. The subjective dimensions determine what follows. The buyer who feels respected becomes a source of referrals within their network. The seller who feels heard speaks positively within their circle. The broker who attends to all four dimensions creates value that extends far beyond the closing.
Curhan’s framework offers empirical support for the cooperative culture found in dual agency markets—such as Greece and Italy—where brokers facilitate agreements rather than advocate for one party against another. The adversarial model assumes extraction is the goal. The facilitative model assumes agreement is the goal—agreement both parties can live with, speak well of, and build upon.
The gentle advantage
I have followed Curhan’s work since that Boston winter. His research continues to validate what practitioners in reputation-sensitive markets have long understood: kindness and facilitation are advantages.
The broker who helps both parties feel good about the process—ensuring the buyer feels welcomed, and the seller feels respected—creates sustainable success. Aggressive rhetoric may dominate the industry. The evidence points elsewhere.
